Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Breaking: New TSA Policy

The large open container adjacent to gate 44 was similar to those commonly associated with various commerical activities.  But there was one difference.  This one was overflowing with underwear, recently worn panties, briefs and boxers.

Chicago Ohare International Airport-New TSA guidelines have prohibited and/or sharply curtailed the wearing of underwear on both domestic and international flights.

Federal researchers have ascertained that the elastic commonly used in most underwear may be utilized to construct a simple explosive.  "In combination with a few other readily available components, a crude explosive device could be constructed during the course of a flight." said Hugh Droan, regional TSA director for the Chicago area.  "As such, it is now required that passengers remove their underwear prior to boarding their aircraft."

In furtherance  of this new policy, the TSA is providing changing screens and large bins adjacent to each gate.  Moving behind the screens, passengers can quickly remove the offending garments and toss them into the bins.

Asked about difficulties with the program, Mr.Droan had offered this:

"By and large, this has moved along smoothly.  Monitoring passenger compliance has been relatively easy given the current trend of wearing pants around the knees."

But, as with anything new, there have been a few difficulties.

"Due to the lack of pantylines, the monitoring of thong useage has been difficult.  And given American's current preference for supersizing, the tendency of thongs to bury themselves in the wearer's flesh has been amplified."

And, of course, there is the problem of being reunited with one's own unmentionables upon arriving at the final destination.

"We've had a few individuals that preferred to change horses midstream, so to speak.  One gentleman, preferred to leave with new black silk panties from Victoria's Secret rather than his own well-worn Fruit of the Loom boxers."

Link to follow.  


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