Monday, July 10, 2006

By Their Toppings Ye Shall Know Them

Recently it was reported that Western Union is blocking and/or delaying fund transfers involving parties with certain names.  Money transfers to/from names such as Mohammed and Ahmed have been blocked or delayed on suspicion of possible terrorist activities.

Now comes this further development.

From the Somers Sentinel*:

Pizza Purveyors Assist The War On Terror

Ann Arbor-It was revealed today that Pizza Hut outlets have been refusing telephone orders from callers with certain names, including Mohammed, Ahmed and Yusuf.  

According to company spokesperson Paulo Provolone, recently enacted Pizza Hut guidelines were directed at thwarting terrorist activity.  "We would prefer to fight them over there.  But if we have to fight them here, it will be with their stomachs empty.", stated Mr.Provolone.

When asked about Pizza Hut's efforts with respect to in-person pizza orders, Mr.Provolone stated, in part, "You go with the menu you have, not the menu you'd like."  He continued, "I can't provide  many details about our efforts but I would personally avoid standing too close to the salad bar."

In a further development, it was revealed that the three major pizza chains have been cooperating with federal agencies in the war on terrorism.

Domino's, Pizza Hut and Papa John's have permitted several federal agencies acccess to inventory data collected by the companies.

An extensive analysis of the data has revealed several surprising trends.  Paramount amongst these is the apparent terrorist preference for certain toppings usually ordered together as a group.    

NSA spokesperson Sam Spook: "The continuity of the program precludes identification of the individual toppings, but suffice it to say that pineapple is a red flag."

Call your senators and congresscritter and demand that the federal government stay out of your pizza box.

*No link yet.


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